ups and downs

Despite all of the wonderful things that have happened to Brian and me in the past few months, I have been in a constant state of anxiety, fear, and sadness as I watch our country’s changing fate. It’s impossible to truly feel happy and excited about our new life together, when I know that there are people around me whose lives are changing for the worse every day. I am embarrassed and depressed by the actions that are taking place in the US government, and I’m still in a state of shock that any of this is actually happening. History is massively changing right now, and we’re right in the middle of it. It’s difficult to comprehend.

It’s easy in a time of peace and calm, to talk about how you would react in a situation like this, where human rights are being violated in your very own country on a mass scale. But then it actually happens, and everything you thought you knew about yourself changes. Turns out, I’m not a protester. Do I completely reject every single thing about Trump’s presidency? YES! But I just don’t feel comfortable protesting, it’s just a personal preference. I feel guilty that my own ‘comfort’ is more important to me than protesting, but I know myself and how I treat people every day, and I know that there are better ways for me to show my love and voice my opinion.

We were in 7-11 yesterday, and watched a middle-aged white man treat the Indian cashier horribly, degrading him and being downright rude and disrespectful. I considered saying something to the man, and decided against it to avoid the issue getting any bigger. Once he had left the store, I apologized to the cashier and let him to know that we don’t agree with how he had been treated, and that we were embarrassed that anyone would treat another human so poorly. The cashier shook it off and said that it happens all the time and he’s used to it. I was half a second away from tears the whole time.

Were any of the protesters in 7-11 with their signs that day? No. And I don’t fault them for it. Protesting isn’t my thing, but standing up for my neighbors and fellow citizens of this country is. I am proud and filled with hope that I am surrounded by family and friends who feel the same way that I do, and who will stand up for what is right. I am thankful that there are (a lot of) people who ARE protesters, and that they will continue to gather and fight against our president.

I feel so so so lucky to have Brian in my life today and for the rest of my days. There is nobody who I would rather be with, who I trust more. I hope that we will look back and remember that no matter how dark these days were, they were some of our best.


Spread Love

love is all you need

Horrible things are happening in Aleppo, and in many many other places in our world. As we’re doing last minute Christmas shopping and pulling on an extra sweater because we’re a little chilly in our warm safe homes, children are dying on the streets.

We learn about the Holocaust so that history does not need to repeat itself. We take comfort believing that we would never let this happen again. Yet, it is happening again and we are doing nothing. We are all sitting around knowing that human rights are being violated on a massive scale, and we are doing nothing to help. I feel helpless and guilty, and embarrassed about the life I live compared to the lives being lost. How is it possible that I slept in a warm bed, in a heated apartment, with a full stomach last night, while children died in the streets of Aleppo. I can’t comprehend.

I donated $10 to the White Helmets today. It’s a tiny drop in the giant ocean of need for them, but it’s better than nothing. $10 is what I would have spent on lunch if I hadn’t remembered to grab mine from the fridge. White Helmets Donation

Spread love today and every day. Smile, be positive, treat people well, spread happiness and compassion. Lately, everything I’ve made has had a trend of love, and most of the time it’s completely unintentional. My heart is craving reassurance that there is still good in the world, I’ve been turning to books and words for comfort.

love is all you need

They Tried to Bury Us quote with pen

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There's a Storm Coming Harry

After: Day 35

Lots of wonderful things have happened since I posted last, but today’s news hit me like a wall, and I’m still struggling to comprehend it all. To be fair, almost none of this is “new” news, but it’s difficult to stay on top of the rest of the world with the daily onslaught of news about the massively volatile political state of our country. It’s easy to shelter yourself from the daily political updates, and carry on with life as if everything is normal, but we can’t afford to be comfortably naïve to what’s going on.

While I’m definitely not saying some news is more important than other news, I am only capable of reading so many articles in one day, and these are the ones that have really stuck with me.

Broken Men in Paradise – An article about refugees who are trapped on Australian islands with no hope of escape. I’m embarrassed that I immediately faulted Australians who live happy carefree lives while torture and abuse are happening within eyesight. I failed to realize that I am no better, and there are people in my country, my city, and my neighborhood who are living lives of fear and abuse. A different situation, no doubt, but enough to guilt me for placing blame. The next article is a perfect reminder of this.

Concordia, LA – One of the sickest counties in the U.S. – How is it the 21st century, and there are Americans living in absolute filth with no help from their government. Why on earth are we replacing water lines in wealthy neighborhoods when these people don’t even have functioning sewers? 

Goodbye Messages from Aleppo – This is heartbreaking to watch.

The White Helmets – A reminder that there are still so so so many good people in the world, fighting every single day for what’s right. This just shot to the top of my watch list on Netflix

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Happier words to come, promise.