higher ups and lower downs

Ever since Brian got the first job offer in Chicago, we’ve been on a roller coaster of emotions, going from being super anxious to relieved and then back again. There are just so many unknowns right now. Even when he finally signed the offer in Seattle, I was relieved that we’d made an actual decision, but terrified of the huge changes that were coming our way. We’re in the process of packing up our lives and our apartment, finding a new home on the other side of the country, and somehow trying do all of this in three short weeks. The worst part is that almost none of it can be done ahead of time. Since I’ll be staying in Chicago for a few weeks while Brian is in Seattle, we can’t pack up the whole apartment yet, and can’t ship it until we have an apartment to ship it to. LOGISTICS SUCK.

We’re both leaving for Seattle tomorrow morning with the hopes of signing a lease and exploring the city a bit. If we could find an apartment by the time I come back to Chicago to start packing, I cannot explain the level of stress that would be lifted off of my shoulders. I’ve had this horrible negative opinion of Seattle ever since we decided to move, and a lot of it has to do with the housing that is available. Our budget isn’t huge and the overall quality of apartments is pretty low compared to what we’ve had in Chicago. Finding a place that we love would go a long way in changing my opinion of the city.

The weather is looking rainy and colder than Chicago, but I suppose we deserve a proper PNW welcome. Plus, thanks to my INSANELY BEAUTIFUL GORGEOUS NEW STUTTERHEIM RAINCOAT FROM MARGARET, I will be perfectly happy on even the wettest days! I love love love it and love her even more for thinking of such a perfect gift for me. It honestly means the world knowing how much love and support we both have from our families. This has been the hardest decision either of us has ever made, and I’m surprised how much a new raincoat has made that decision easier πŸ™‚

Brian wants to do his first post on the blog soon about our move, and I can’t wait to hear about it from his perspective. I’m definitely taking the Debbie Downer award this time around, so I know his post will be a little more positive!


ups and downs

Despite all of the wonderful things that have happened to Brian and me in the past few months, I have been in a constant state of anxiety, fear, and sadness as I watch our country’s changing fate. It’s impossible to truly feel happy and excited about our new life together, when I know that there are people around me whose lives are changing for the worse every day. I am embarrassed and depressed by the actions that are taking place in the US government, and I’m still in a state of shock that any of this is actually happening. History is massively changing right now, and we’re right in the middle of it. It’s difficult to comprehend.

It’s easy in a time of peace and calm, to talk about how you would react in a situation like this, where human rights are being violated in your very own country on a mass scale. But then it actually happens, and everything you thought you knew about yourself changes. Turns out, I’m not a protester. Do I completely reject every single thing about Trump’s presidency? YES! But I just don’t feel comfortable protesting, it’s just a personal preference. I feel guilty that my own ‘comfort’ is more important to me than protesting, but I know myself and how I treat people every day, and I know that there are better ways for me to show my love and voice my opinion.

We were in 7-11 yesterday, and watched a middle-aged white man treat the Indian cashier horribly, degrading him and being downright rude and disrespectful. I considered saying something to the man, and decided against it to avoid the issue getting any bigger. Once heΒ had left the store, I apologized to the cashier and let him to know that we don’t agree with how he had been treated, and that we were embarrassed that anyone would treat another human so poorly. The cashier shook it off and said that it happens all the time and he’s used to it. I was half a second away from tears the whole time.

Were any of the protesters in 7-11 with their signs that day? No. And I don’t fault them for it. Protesting isn’t my thing, but standing up for my neighbors and fellow citizens of this country is. I am proud and filled with hope that I am surrounded by family and friends who feel the same way that I do, and who will stand up for what is right. I am thankful that there are (a lot of) people who ARE protesters, and that they will continue to gather and fight against our president.

I feel so so so lucky to have Brian in my life today and for the rest of my days. There is nobody who I would rather be with, who I trust more. I hope that we will look back and remember that no matter how dark these days were, they were some of our best.


We’re moving to Seattle!

This has by far been the most exciting month of my life. Brian graduated, we got engaged, and now we’re moving across the country for Brian’s new job! We fell in love with Portland the minute we stepped off the plane for the first time, and haven’t stopped talking about moving to the Pacific Northwest since that day.Β When Toole offered Brian his dream job, we knew we couldn’t pass up this opportunity, no matter how terrifying it seemed.

The past week or so has been INSANE as it’s starting to feel real that we’re actually leaving Chicago. My stress level is through the roof, and my emotions are all over the place. I know we’ll love Seattle, but that doesn’t make leaving our families any easier. Not to mention we’re moving without having an apartment yet, or a job for me. AHHHHHH.

Anyway, we really are excited! Cannot wait! Brian starts his new job in the middle of February, while I’ll stay here and finish packing up our apartment and then meet him there in March. If anyone feels like helping pack, or load boxes, or bring me wine, you know where I’ll be. Probably in bed avoiding everything I have to do.