us

Quarantine Day ??

~ veronimama ~ Leave a comment

I don’t know how long we’ve formally been isolated, but our last real social interaction was when my mom was here to stay with us, and she left for Chicago on March 6th ish, so it’s been over a month. In spite of everything going on, we’ve been extremely lucky in so many ways – we were out of the hospital before things got really rocky, Brian’s been working full time from home and saving his FMLA time, and both of our parents were able to meet Ruby before the official lockdown. This is such a crazy time, and every week feels more surreal than the last. We’re just trying to be grateful for the time we have to enjoy Ruby and just take every day as it comes.

It’s been so heartbreaking to hear how the virus is affecting people around the world, but for some reason, I haven’t been stressed or anxious about it affecting us until this week. Both Brian and I have reasons to be worried about our jobs, but it was only this week that it dawned on me that if I lose my job, we all lose our healthcare, including Ruby. Obviously yes, I’m aware that this is what millions of people in the country are dealing with right now, but it felt like a gut punch when I realized that it could easily be us as well. It was pretty much a downward spiral from there, and I’ve been in a funk all week just running through all of the worst case scenarios. Everyone is affected so differently by the situation, and nobody’s struggles should be minimized. We’re privileged to have the worries that we do, but that doesn’t mean they’re not as important as anyone else’s. I’m worried about our jobs, about money, about seeing our families, about finding childcare for Ruby, and just the general uncertainty about what the next year (or more) looks like in the world. It’s a whole weird, new, and terrifying world to live in, and it’s 10 bajillion times scarier now that we have Ruby in our lives. I would do absolutely anything to protect her, but this feels like something I don’t know how to fight.

Despite all of that, our life feels somewhat normal as long as we’re at home. It’s been confirmed that we’re definitely introverts, and perfectly content spending every waking moment together. And lucky us, we have an adorably cuddly and happy baby to stare at all day!

The weather was so so so beautiful this week, and we spent almost every day outside on the roof hanging out on our new patio furniture. We feel so lucky to have our rooftop, since our apartment in Capitol Hill didn’t have any outdoor space, and we can’t imagine being stuck at home without somewhere to get fresh air. We were both a little nervous to spend money on a patio set when we don’t know if we’ll be able to renew our lease and stay here another year, but we decided it was worth it now that we’ll be spending a lootttttt more time at home. I love it 🙂 Next up, a grill! The cherry blossoms bloomed this week, and our neighborhood is snowing blooms. We are so lucky to live somewhere so beautiful in a time like this.

This week Ruby had her 2-month checkup and got her first set of vaccinations 😦 It was exactly as traumatic as I expected it to be, and we practically ran out of the office as soon as it was over! To add insult to injury, they slapped two bandaids on her soft little thighs that we had to rip off. Luckily, she was smiling at us 10 minutes later, so she obviously forgave us.

We’re very definitely biased, but she’s the cutest, smiliest, happiest baby ever, and I fall in love with her more and more every day. I was organizing our photos, and realized that I’ve taken over 4000 photos since she was born…. 8 weeks ago. I’m a little bit obsessed. I live for her smiles, and I can’t let one go without taking a photo! I think I’m going to lose my mind the first time she giggles!

Ruby….

  • Loves loves loves bathtime!
  • Is super smiley, especially right when she wakes up
  • Sleeps SO WELL! Only wakes up 1 or 2 times a night, and sleeps a 6 hour stretch!
  • Has officially grown out of her newborn diapers 😦 Our chunky little 9lb 5oz baby has leveled up to a size 1 diaper
  • Is the best baby in the entire world, duh!

I’M BACK

~ veronimama ~ Leave a comment

(read the title like Eminem)

I could write 10 pages about how horrible the past 3 months have been in our last apartment, but I won’t. It smelled, it wasn’t safe, and it definitely wasn’t comfortable. I knew it was a huge stress point for both of us, but it really became clear this past weekend once we moved out for good. I feel like a completely different person, like my mind has cleared, a massive weight has been lifted, and everything in my life is coming back into focus. The feeling is incredible, and I don’t want to forget what it took to get here.

I haven’t cooked or baked since July. I haven’t used the sewing machine once. I haven’t made anything for Ruby, and I haven’t done any of the planning or preparation for her that I knew I needed to. Our laundry basket was always overflowing, and nothing was ironed. I didn’t write (obviously) or do anything creative. I let my nails go to shit before I forced myself to at least take the nail polish off. I didn’t buy anything for our house except for candles to mask the smell, and plastic for the windows. We got two stains on our couch because we ate dinner there each night. Everything that was important to me started to slip between the cracks because I just couldn’t find the motivation or desire to care. The worst part is that I knew all of this was happening, and I still couldn’t fix it. I don’t think I was depressed, but I definitely wasn’t myself, and I wasn’t in a mentally healthy place.

One of the things that bothered me the most was the smell. Not only did it bother me at home, but it got in our clothes and our jackets and it would bother me during the day when I was at work. All I could think of was how detrimental it must be for children who are raised in households where their parents smoke, and having to go to school each day knowing that they smell. It is a HUGE emotional stress point that seems trivial, but deeply affected me. The first thing I did when we got to the new house was wash all of our jackets, blankets, towels, and lay all of our rugs outside to air out. Just having the smells gone is the biggest relief.

At work, we were discussing Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and how it applies to everything in our lives, both personal and work related. It was like a lightbulb clicked when I saw this diagram, because it explains exactly how and why the house issue is affecting me in so many different ways. The things that I was missing the most were psychological and self-fulfillment needs, but I couldn’t get there without feeling physiologically comfortable. It was so refreshing to see proof of what I’d been feeling and know that my discomfort was validated.

We spent the weekend unpacking and settling into the new place, and I already feel so inspired. We made a delicious dinner, I baked a pie, and we walked downtown Ballard to buy two little accessories for the kitchen. I’ve been making lists of projects I want to start and we’re going to get back to meal planning. Everything that used to be our normal is slipping back into place and it feels like we’re home. Brian said that he feels like he’s on vacation in our house, and I feel more like we’re real adults. I think even regardless of where we just came from, this house is a turning point for us and we’re so happy to be here. This feels like a home where we can start our family, and I’m finally able to feel some excitement about what comes next!

I have to say too, that it’s a huge testimony to our relationship that Brian and I (somehow) made it through this whole transition with our relationship very much intact and probably a lot stronger. A lot of the credit goes to Brian for putting up with an unhappy pregnant wife, and I love him so much more for it. This house thing aside, the past few months have been a weird time for me, adjusting to all the fun new stuff that pops up with pregnancy (hello hormones and exhaustion), so I’m sure I haven’t been easy to deal with. Brian has been so patient and understanding and rational (sometimes to a fault) and is the only reason I didn’t lose my mind, burn down the house, and move into a hotel.

Us Time

~ veronimama ~ Leave a comment

Working on the carriage house for the last month has been a huge learning experience for us in so many unexpected ways. We’ve obviously learned a lot about the actual demo/construction stuff, but I’ve also learned a ton about how our relationship ebbs and flows through different stresses.

We’re used to spending pretty much every possible minute together, aside from work. Our weekends are 100% ours to go for long walks or bike rides and stopping into little towns for lunch and beers, and we rarely split up to do our own things because we’d rather be together. I didn’t realize how much I rely on our weekends to reset my sanity until this past month when we’ve spent every free minute frantically working on the carriage house or packing up our apartment. Instead of spending the weekend outside relaxing, we’re working on stressful, dirty, and physically exhausting projects for the house. We haven’t cooked a single meal (besides toast) in a month, we’re just bleeding money on this renovation, and we’re relying on each other to just get through this and make it to August 1st. I know we’re lucky to have a lifestyle that allows us to spend this much time together, but we also make a lot of active choices to protect it. We live close to work so we don’t waste time commuting separately, we ride together to and from work whenever possible, and we plan activities and trips that we both love so we can do them together. This time is so special to me, and I’m actually really glad that it took this house project to make me appreciate it for what it is.

The light at the end of the tunnel is dim but getting brighter, and the only thing keeping me going is the thought of our first weekend trip. It doesn’t even have to be far, just somewhere isolated with sun, a book, the hammock, fresh air, and zero discussion about the house. ZERO.

ps… a post about this renovation is forthcoming. For now, please refer to the highlight at the top of my Insta story where all of the stories are saved.