ups and downs

Despite all of the wonderful things that have happened to Brian and me in the past few months, I have been in a constant state of anxiety, fear, and sadness as I watch our country’s changing fate. It’s impossible to truly feel happy and excited about our new life together, when I know that there are people around me whose lives are changing for the worse every day. I am embarrassed and depressed by the actions that are taking place in the US government, and I’m still in a state of shock that any of this is actually happening. History is massively changing right now, and we’re right in the middle of it. It’s difficult to comprehend.

It’s easy in a time of peace and calm, to talk about how you would react in a situation like this, where human rights are being violated in your very own country on a mass scale. But then it actually happens, and everything you thought you knew about yourself changes. Turns out, I’m not a protester. Do I completely reject every single thing about Trump’s presidency? YES! But I just don’t feel comfortable protesting, it’s just a personal preference. I feel guilty that my own ‘comfort’ is more important to me than protesting, but I know myself and how I treat people every day, and I know that there are better ways for me to show my love and voice my opinion.

We were in 7-11 yesterday, and watched a middle-aged white man treat the Indian cashier horribly, degrading him and being downright rude and disrespectful. I considered saying something to the man, and decided against it to avoid the issue getting any bigger. Once he had left the store, I apologized to the cashier and let him to know that we don’t agree with how he had been treated, and that we were embarrassed that anyone would treat another human so poorly. The cashier shook it off and said that it happens all the time and he’s used to it. I was half a second away from tears the whole time.

Were any of the protesters in 7-11 with their signs that day? No. And I don’t fault them for it. Protesting isn’t my thing, but standing up for my neighbors and fellow citizens of this country is. I am proud and filled with hope that I am surrounded by family and friends who feel the same way that I do, and who will stand up for what is right. I am thankful that there are (a lot of) people who ARE protesters, and that they will continue to gather and fight against our president.

I feel so so so lucky to have Brian in my life today and for the rest of my days. There is nobody who I would rather be with, who I trust more. I hope that we will look back and remember that no matter how dark these days were, they were some of our best.

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