You never know what exactly that “thing” will be that splits your life into Before and After, until it happens. You never fully appreciated how lucky you were to be living in the Before until here you are in the After and there’s no going back.
Today is Day Two of the After.
Yesterday was Day One. It was a day of tears and fear and disbelief for so many people. I was in a blissful state of shock when I woke up until I saw a black man sobbing on my way to work and it hit me. No matter how scared I might be, he has every right to be more so. The more I read, the more people I talked to, the more I wrote, I understood the enormity of what this decision means to our futures. I was overwhelmed by emotion, and spent every minute of the day trying to comprehend what this could mean. I was driving myself crazy running through every worst case scenario, each of my thoughts snowballing into 20 more. I was only grounded after talking to Jayden, and realizing that we need to maintain some kind of solid ground for our kids, and not let them see our fear. I can’t let him know that I wonder if he’ll be in an internment camp, or if the wall will be built, or if there will be a civil war. I have to remind him to have faith that there are good people in the world who will come together to fight for what is right. We cannot spend our lives wondering What If. Instead, we move on, putting one foot in front of the other, being the best person we can be for ourselves and everyone around us.
Today is Day Two. I’m able to set my emotions aside and read and learn more about what this actually means for our country. I’m reading about the implications of this presidency on healthcare, minorities, the economy, safety, education. Today I’m reading reports of hate crimes on women and men of color and who are LGBT. I’m reading articles from teachers whose kids came in crying because they are scared their family will be hurt. My heart aches for our country, but at the same time I’m full of pride and hope seeing pictures of peaceful protests around the country and reminding myself that I am not alone in this fight. Hilary won the popular vote. We are stronger than Trump. We are stronger than hate. We will not sit quietly and let our friends and family be treated like they are anything less than equal. None of us know what this fight will be or how we will play our part, but we are all ready when the time comes.
More than anything, I am terrified of what I don’t know.